For those of you who have never read the story, “Welcome to Holland,” it is a beautiful metaphor of the journey that parents go on when they find out that their child has special needs (I encourage you to check it out here: http://dsnetworkaz.org/holland/). It talks about how even though you were planning a trip to Italy but ended up in Holland instead, Holland is beautiful in its own way and it ends up being okay even though it wasn’t what you were expecting.
We chose Holland. We adopted our son who has Down syndrome. We fully expected his therapy sessions, his slower milestone gains, his amazing feats of double-jointedness and his beautiful little almond-shaped eyes. But somehow Holland ended up simply being stop number one on our journey around the world. We never expected his cancer, his kidney failure, his seizure disorder, his catheters, his feeding tubes and all of the other issues that he has that have nothing to do with his Down syndrome.
We chose Holland. I was angry. Why couldn’t we just settle there? “God, you asked us to go to Holland and we obeyed. Why are you doing this to us?” Instead of Holland, we spent hours, days, weeks at the hospital. They were our slums of Calcutta, our journey of sickness and pain. I just wanted Holland back.
But then something else happened. We moved on. We began to climb. When my son said, “mama” for the first time after we were told he would never talk, we breathed in the clean air of the Swiss Alps. We made it to the top of the mountain and we were stronger for it. We saw beautiful scenery again and hope for our future travels.
We started in Holland, but then we headed in many directions, meeting other amazing travelers on the way. Parents who were also going on this world tour who had been to more destinations than us gave us courage, advice and a helping hand. We saw the beauty in their travel-worn faces. We felt their strength as they pulled us through the deep valleys. Our difficult journey around the world began to actually feel like an adventure.
We found rest in our friends, family and church. They were our soft and warm beds after weeks of backpacking through the muck and sleeping on the ground. Our doctors, nurses and therapists were our tour guides, taking us through difficult journeys so that we could reach beautiful destinations. And slowly, Holland didn’t seem so important anymore.
We chose Holland, but we didn’t stay. I’m so glad that we left. Being in one place forever gets boring after a while anyway, right? Becoming world travelers has made us stronger. We have pushed ourselves to the limit to find out that we are brave, we are smart, we are capable parents who have a difficult journey ahead. But we aren’t traveling alone.
So we’ve thrown away our map. Goodbye Holland! It no longer matters where we go. There is no final destination because this journey is one that takes a lifetime. It only matters that we are traveling together.